Sunday. 6.26.11 5:43 am
if i left today would i be missed?
am i really that impotent?
i feel as if i was nothing.
if i am nothing.
there has been so many happy moments in my life, and i really wish i could have them back, but because of the mistakes i have made in my past i live in loneliness and i don't know what to do, or what i have left. i mean don't get me wrong there are people in my life at the moment, but those are few and far between, not many people for me to count on... and that's why i sit here and write this, i wish i something to hold onto. i haven't had anyone to love in longer then two years, and the one woman that i want to be in my life i haven't talked to in almost 4, maybe longer, and it irritates the shit out of me, no it depresses me.
if one wish were to come true in my life, its to have the opportunity to show her who i am now. not what i was, to show her that i have changed, that i have grown into something more... spectacular. even i can see the changes that i have gone though. its surprising how far i have come in the last 7 years. from when i was 19, to today. i didn't like who i was when i was young, even more now looking back to what i had done, and i was doing to my self, and to the people i loved, hell even people i didn't even know. how much i have grown in the past years is remarkable. i'm proud of what i have become. but yet i'm unhappy with who i am... or i should say i'm unhappy with my life and the direction in which its heading. im living in a house i don't want to be in, i'm trying to fix the problems i created when i was younger, going to school in which i should have been done with years ago, and im unemployed. i have very little in my life to look forward to, and nothing to motivate me. its horrible how bad i feel. and i only wish there was someone, just one person that would give me the love i would give them. so i have some reason to feel to be here still. i feel if i was only a blithe to humanity.
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Wednesday. 2.10.10 12:46 am
You ask me my name.
But instead I want to give you something more.
More then just my name.
More then what I clame.
I want to be the dream you have everynight.
I want to give you the shivers ever time you think.
I want to be the one persion that you wake up to see.
I want to be the persion you tell your friends about.
I want to be the the one you think about befor you go to bed.
I want more then what you ever had.
I want to be the one to hold your hand.
I want to hold your heart.
I want you to be in mine.
I want to show you the true meaning of love.
I want you to show me the true meaning of love.
I want to fill the open void left behind by those who dont care.
I want you to fill my void.
I want to be in your life.
I'll take the pain, and all the work.
I'll take everything, just for the momment to show you that I care.
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Thursday. 1.28.10 7:05 pm
Looking into the darkness he finds what he has spent many years looking for.
the quest finally comes to an end.
Finally he has found her.
Amongst the trash, those that have been left behind.
"You are far too beautiful to be left here. come with me"
Stretching his hand out he can feel the desperate and the lost.
But only for one is this hand for.
Hesitant to take his aid,
She is unsure what to think.
"Come with me, I promise not to hurt you."
Looking to him he can see the meaning behind the words are all of loving and caring.
"Make haste for the demons will have us. Come with me, my love."
Looking down to her, he can see the gratefulness to see his face again.
"Fear not, I will never leave your side again."
Looking to the angel, she can see the truth in his words.
Grasping his hand, he embraces her.
Close to his chest, he feels the warmth of her soft breath.
"My only dream is to never let you go"
Looking to the Golden eyes of the angel.
"My heaven is to be in your arms"
She can feel the words as he speaks.
"I love you beautiful, never will I leave again"
This is inspired by I Promise by Tawni Risley
I enjoy you work Tawni, your a beautiful writer.
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Sunday. 1.24.10 3:09 am
If only you knew the truth behind the statements.
There are so many words unspoken.
Only for the hope that you would have the courage to look.
Do not fear what i have to say.
Instead embrace it.
Because it might be just what you wont.
I'm not like everyone eals.
Hell I'm nothing like anyone eals.
I'm completely unique.
And you be suprized at what i can bring.
Only for you to look, search, and find.
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Tuesday. 1.12.10 12:40 pm
Arline, if your reading this, take this to heart.
If only I had the chance to show you how I felt. Hell just the opportunity to show you who I am, not what I was befor. I'm a completely different person now. Many things have made me a stronger person. The things I have had to prevail from, the obstacles I have had in my life. They all really have made me a better person, made me smarter, stronger. They have made me more mature. Let me show you who I am. Give me the opportunity to show you who I am now. I'm sure you will be quite surprised to see what I have become. I'm almost certain, that you would be proud. Please give me the chance to reconcile for the mistakes I have made in the past, and I'm sure you would see me in a different light. Know this, i have grown, i have become something more then the person I was. More then what most people will achieve. And still I only want to become a better person. A stronger person. I don't want to live the rest of my life if I can't patch things up with you, and at least be friends. Give me the opportunity and I will show you something more then just a man.
"Together we can be more then what we where set here for.
Together we can create greatness.
Together we can become greatness.
To stand tall over it all.
It takes strength, determination, and will.
Together, we can be more then any one would ever imagine."
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Tuesday. 11.17.09 8:16 am
to those who are always depressed.
really life is not that bad.
there is so much to look forward to.
if you have no friend. i'm sorry, but that is really your falt.
to those that are depressed about lack of love. well your not looking in the right place. period.
to those that think there family hates them. your sad, you need just to do what your parents tell you to. no arguments.
to those that are saying to your self. well your wrong. your wrong in so many ways.
you know what, i was there. i was sad, alone, and hated.
ah but im not hear to just simply criticize you for your depression. im here with solutions.
if your alone. simply FIX IT! really its not that hard to find friends that you can talk to about your problems. there are people out there that are just as lonely as you. (most are on the computer in chat rooms simply looking for a friend.) just be careful who you tell your secretes to.
if it is love that your after. find it. once you do. grab it. ones you have it in your hands, put a vice grip on it. really, its worth every effort you put into it. tell that person. make sure they know. i mean don't just tell them. show them. and not in the conventional ways ether. be original. its not hard.
and for your parents, well lets face it, we all been there really we have. just deal with it. if its really that bad. there are places for you to go that will help you get your shit strait. and you little rich kids. really stop bitchen that your mommy took your iphone from you. grow up. and quit acting like a poor kid. cause trust me. there are plenty of people that would love to take your spot. trust me. im one of them. do you fucken chores. realy its not that bad. takes you like 10 mins. so shut the fuck up, and act like the little snobby bastered that you are. cause trust me. your life is not as bad as mine. to all those that have familys. i envy you. i have my mother. and she gives more then her share of love. so fuck off you little rich bitches with both your parents.
in closing, if your depressed about something, FUCKEN DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!! your world is not that bad... if you are over weight, lose the LBS and make your self beautiful, if that don't work. find stuff that makes you attractive. there is shit out there. trust me. i have seen it with my own two eyes.
if its money. get a better job. or do what i did. and don't give a danm about money. its paper, green paper. that's it. something the government has told you to put monetary value on it. other then that its useless. simple paper with pretty pictures on it. oh and its green.
what ever it is, there is a solution to it. find it. cure it, make your self better. be strong for you, your family, your passion, what ever your motivation. do it! the world is not that bad.
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